**This piece is for people of color, not for teaching white people, rather it is a framing. I just have no more words for debating on whether or not reality is real. For me, talking to other poc actually has value, it is the beginnings to securing a futurity not based on ongoing relation with white supremacy. This is for the people of color who still don’t understand, or don’t want to understand why they can’t blindly trust white people and accept their good intentions without staying ready to call their behavior into question when it deviates into alignment and maintenance of white supremacy. For the people of color who refuse, this is an example of the behavior you normalize, collude with, reinforce, intentionally or not.
This white queer person is referring to a job I applied for at his clinic, St. James Infirmary, which I was not selected for. I had disclosed to several of my qtpoc contacts about the funky decision making that went down and somehow it got back to him “through the grapevine.”
The story is the clinic was hiring for two positions during July: Harm Reduction Coordinator (which I applied for, upon my friend’s suggestion) and an admin assistant. Neither went to a person of color, not even the admin assistant. I learned this upon following up with this friend over the phone about why I was determined as “not a good fit” for the job. Now he is “open to any feedback” which translates as
“Please explain to me why we made the wrong decision despite me/us having no intention of taking your feedback (ie knowledge and experience as a black queer person) seriously in terms of self reflection, self transformation, or moves to take action and address/redress the harm done because as far as I’m concerned no harm was done. I’m a/your white queer ally, and if you can’t see that you’re emotional and/or ungrateful.”
You can tell he already knows that much as he “understands if I don’t want to talk.” He knows that most white people would not even care to engage me for “feedback”’, but he performs as if he is any better. He seems to feel he is a non oppressive white person - an ally.
So of course I don’t respond to that shit. It’s below basic, like in the bomb shelter beneath basic’s basement. However, white people, even the supposed “ally”, are entitled to getting their emotional needs met and their innocence in/from a system of domination confirmed (ie validate me as a good white person ally, NOW!), which is done by draining the energy (time, attention, capacity, affection) of people of color to feed their emotional delusions while refusing to relinquish positions of authority inextricably tied to and reinforcing systems of extreme domination and violence.